The Angel Of A Friend
by heyheyanimegurl
Summary: Mai Kawasumi reminisces about a forgotten friend in her childhood days, a girl named Hikari. Hikari brings light into Mai's world, but Mai unintentionally manipulates her. Realizing this, Mai decides it's best for them to part ways. Based on a true friendship story(mine).


Hey hey anime fans. XD Lol, anyways, my first **_anime_** fic is Kanon. This is actually based on a friendship issue that I had recently... Did not end so well, but I hope that my friend and I can work it out. :/ She wants to know how much I care for her and what our friendship meant, so Imma be sending this to her... And after reading this, you guys will understand the twisted fiend that I am. :/ I hope that she'll understand, and we can be friends again. Well, read on.

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I used to have a very good friend. A best friend, to be exact. We shared secrets and laughed and played together. We were the closest friends ever, even considering the fact that I had no friends until she came along…. Hikari…. She was a part of me…. I loved her so much, to the point where I would never want to let go of her… but…. We were both different. She was an angel, and I was a demon. That's how I had always thought of it. It was the only reason why we became separated from each other in the first place. I was a demon, and I destroyed her light…. I destroyed her wings, giving her the inability to soar higher than I ever could. The only way I could fix my wrongs was to break away from her… from our friendship. I didn't want her to experience this again. I didn't want her to remember the heartbreak that I had caused her...

I remember the times Hikari and I had spent together. When she first met me and saw through to my heart, she was delighted. It was so bright, so radiant, she said. There was no sign of darkness anywhere…. But her mind was foolish and young. There was darkness all over that "bright" heart. The darkest shadow in that room was me, but her heart filled with light said so differently. "You have a bright heart," she said. "I can see through your eyes…. They are filled with pain and loneliness…. If you are in so much pain, will you have the heart to be my friend?"  
When I heard that sentence, that question, come out of her mouth, I was surprised. I would never, in my whole entire fake life, expect _anyone _to ask me this question. If I could be their friend. Surprised, I whispered the word, "Yes…." She told me her name. Such a beautiful name…. Yet, I had tainted her heart under the influence of my dark, manipulative heart.

Hikari would frequently visit me. I would always hear her cheerful cries as she entered my bedroom, "Mai-chan! Mai-chan!" We would laugh in joy every day, enjoying each other's company. With each passing day, we learned more and more of the other's secrets. I told her of how trapped I was, how alone I had always felt, and in return, she gave me her sympathy. She told me the things she was experiencing and how the ridicule she felt from other people was similar to mine. But her sympathy was what I used against her. Whenever I told her something, it wouldn't be filled much with the truth. My truths were mixed with lies. My lies were within my truths. Whenever I told her a lie, she would believe it. She believed everything I threw at her because she knew that I was her best friend. I used her to make me feel superior. To make me feel like I was better than her, that my life was worse than hers. To make her believe that compared to me, she was nothing. I did it so she would obey me. But… I didn't realize that I was doing this before it was too late.

Towards the end of our friendship, when I realized what I was unintentionally doing, I became distant towards Hikari. I didn't let her come inside of my room anymore. I kept myself isolated. We started having countless arguments that came to no end. I noticed that our friendship was ending and I wanted it to end the best way it could…. But I didn't want to lose her. I loved her as a friend, and I never wanted to let her go. Instead of letting her go, I decided that I wanted her to decide if she wanted to stay. I put the pressure on her. I told her to choose between me and her, honestly asking who was more important. Obviously, because of her pure mind, she chose me. She wanted to stay with me because I was special to her. I was her best friend. Though I was glad to hear her answer, I was also saddened. I became even more depressed, finally understanding that I meant the world to her, and she wasn't looking forward to losing me.

After hearing her answer, I became even more distant from Hikari, wanting her to leave me alone. My heart told me to let her stay and be happy with her, but my mind told me otherwise. In order to keep her safe, to save the purity of her heart, I _**had **_to let her go. "If you love something or someone," Hikari told me once, "it'd always be best to let that something or someone go. That's what someone who I had treasured the most once told me." I had to let her go. I lived up to her words. But I was too weak to leave her. That was the reason why I wanted her to be the one who let _me _go. But she didn't want to leave. She never did. So there was only one thing that I could do. I forced her to leave me. I told her that my feelings were simply an act put on to enjoy someone's emotions, to play with someone's emotions. I said that everything was fake; all of those memories of us laughing and playing together were all fake. But even though I knew I had lied to her, even though I told her that these memories were lies, I couldn't help but think that my lies may be the truth. I wanted to destroy the memories that we had together, but I realized that I couldn't erase our memories. That was what hurt the most.

The day finally arrived when she decided to leave me alone. It was the most devastating event that had happened in my entire life. My best friend was finally going to leave me, and I couldn't do anything about it. I realized that the more I knew about her and the more that she knew about me, there was a less chance of us staying together. But she was the one I had trusted the most before I met Yuichi and Sayuri. Hikari accepted me for who I was, even though everyone else told her that I was a monster and for her to stay away from a monster like me. Hikari knew that there was a brighter side to me, and she stayed by my side even when I told her to leave in the harshest way. When it was finally too late, I realized that I shouldn't have let her leave my side. I realized that she was the friend that I had always wanted. The friend that understood me for who I am. The friend that stood with me through thick and thin.

I used to have a very good friend. She was my best friend, the one I had trusted the most. Now that she's gone due to my own idiocy, I really wished that I hadn't driven her away. She was one of the best friends that I could ever ask for, one of the people that could actually understand me. But she's gone forever, never to come back…. But it was to protect her from the evil inside of me. The evil that I felt rising. I only wanted to protect her, so I drove her away from me. But a part of my heart is missing. It's Hikari. The angel that attempted to bring light into my demonic heart. My dearest friend. I miss you, Hikari….

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Before you guys ask... Yes, these thoughts actually happened. Well, wish me luck on trying to earn my friendship back. ._. Thanks for reading, anyways, ahaha. R&R please? And friend advice also if you guys won't mind. :/ Feeling down nowadays. Well, here come the hugs. *huggles everyone* X3 Luv ya all!~~


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